Above all, we have to be open to the other.What does this openness mean? For a start it means abandoning a great deal of what we think of as knowledge, for such knowledge (or presumed knowledge) is questionable. This is particularly relevant to psychotherapists’ theories about personality and mental suffering.There is a place for these when they are offered as possible stories which might be helpful to individuals trying to come to terms with their situation. But, when they are held out as supposed truths about the human condition, we are on dangerous ground. The danger then is that adherence to a theoretical position or way of understanding gets in the way, not only of seeing what is before us, someone unique, utterly different, but also of being with them It reduces people to types, to categories. Too often, such presumed knowledge or understanding is a flight from the difficulties of uncertainty and not knowing.It is understandable that doctors, when faced with the chaos, confusion, disorder and disease that we see in our consulting rooms, should reach for the theories which seem to make sense of it all.

And yet, all too often, this is a certain violence against the patient and their own uniqueness. This can be an obstacle in the way of a genuine meeting which is what, in some way, those coming to therapy are seeking.Paul Gordon is author of `Face to Face: therapy as ethics’ (Constable, pounds 15.99). THOSE OF us who sit through the credits are invariably rewarded not only with details of who sang what but also with names that no scriptwriter would dare invent – or producer allow above the title. Somebody with a hand in the sprightly Antz has the killer surname Posthumus and the dismal Sex and the City at least yields the name Winsome.

Doubtless, in her own case, many a date has ended with one or other thinking, ruefully or otherwise, “You win some. .” It derives from the Old English for joy, and sum meant productive of. The word is overlooked by Johnson – it underwent a hiatus between the Middle Ages and the 18th century, when it returned, with the current meaning of pleasant on the eye, via northern dialect Quite a chat-up line.. I CAME across something in our bathroom the other day which has occupied my thoughts off and on since It was a little dispenser of dental floss.

It isn’t the floss itself that is of interest to me, but that the container has a freephone number painted on it You can call the company’s Floss Hotline 24 hours a day. But why would you need to? I keep imagining some guy calling up and saying in an anxious voice: “OK, I’ve got the floss. Now what?” As a rule of thumb, I would submit that if you need to call a floss provider you are probably not ready for this level of oral hygiene.
My curiosity aroused, I had a look through our cupboards and discovered that nearly all household products in America carry a hotline number. You can ring up for guidance on how to use soap and shampoo, gain helpful tips on where to store ice-cream so that it doesn’t melt, and receive professional advice on which parts of your body you can most successfully and stylishly apply nail polish to (“So let me get this straight.

You’re saying not on my forehead?”)For those who do not have access to a telephone, or who perhaps have a telephone but have not yet mastered its use, most products also carry helpful tips such as “Remove shells before eating” (on peanuts) and “Caution: do not re-use as beverage container” (on a bleach bottle). We recently bought an electric iron which admonished us, among other things, not to use it in conjunction with explosive materials. In a broadly similar vein, I read a couple of weeks ago that computer software companies are considering re-writing the instruction “Strike any key when ready” because so many people have been calling to say they can’t find the “Any” key.Until a few days ago I would have chortled richly at people who need this sort of guidance, but then three things happened that made me modify my views.First, I read in the paper how John Smoltz, a pitcher for the Atlanta Braves baseball team, showed up for training with a painful red welt across his chest and, when pressed, sheepishly admitted he had tried to iron a shirt while he was wearing it.Second, although I have never done anything quite so foolish as that, it was only because I had not thought of it.Third, and perhaps most conclusively, two nights ago I went out to run two small errands – specifically, to buy some pipe tobacco and post some letters. I bought the tobacco, carried it straight across the street to a letter box, opened the lid and deposited it. I won’t tell you how far I walked before it dawned on me that this was not a 100 per cent correct execution of my original plans.You see my problem. People who need labels on pillar-boxes saying “Not for deposit of tobacco or other personal items” can’t very well smirk at others, even those who iron their chests or have to seek lathering advice from a shampoo hotline.I mentioned all this at dinner the other night and was appalled to see the enthusiasm with which all the members of the family began suggesting labels that would be particularly apt for me, such as “Caution: when door says `Pull’, it’s absolutely no use pushing” and “Warning: do not attempt to remove sweater over head while walking among chairs and tables”.